A Life Resolution

I fear daily that I’ll gain it all back, and disappoint myself.

I fear that it won’t make a difference.  That I’ll still have health problems.  That I still won’t feel comfortable with my stomach or thighs.  I fear that I won’t be able to gain the confidence I need in my body.

But mostly I fear that I’ll let it control my life.  I fear that I won’t be able to have a piece of birthday cake without hating myself after.  I fear that food will haunt me.  I don’t have an eating disorder, but acquiring one is a legitimate fear I have.  

Stay healthy lovelies, and love yourself always.  <3<3<3

Okay, so let me preface this entry by saying that this weekend, while my husband was home, I cheated.  And not like, “Oh, I didn’t work out, and ate that Snickers Bar.”  No.  It was more like, “Look at me eat this pizza.  Look at me eat this fried Chinese goodness!”

Yesterday I had a very good workout, and I drank a lot of water because I hadn’t hardly had any this weekend.  I step on the scale this morning before I go to the gym and I’ve lost two pounds.  

Magic.

Well, in fairness, I did portion a lot of the terrible foods this weekend.  But still I had ate them.  It just gives me hope that when I reach my goal weight, I can eat good things in small portions and still be okay.  It makes that nagging voice in my head when I cheat sound a little less patronizing.

I’m excited.

I’m at 207.

This morning’s workout didn’t go as well however.  I felt weak and tired.  I think I might take my dogs for a walk after work this afternoon and hopefully that will be better.  

Stay strong lovelies, and don’t punish yourselves for having some treats, keep the long goal in mind!!  Stay healthy lovelies!! <3 <3 <3